[...weird ways of writing similes and metaphors..]

"Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master...."


"His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a washing machine."


"The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't."


"McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup."


"Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze."


"Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre."


"Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever."


"He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree."


"The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease."


"Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left York at 6:36 PM traveling at 55 MPH, the other from Peterborough at 4:19 PM at a speed of 35 MPH."


"The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.


"John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met."


"The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play."


"The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red crayon."


"Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut."


"Shots rang out, as shots are won't to do."


~Adapted~