Monday, April 9, 2018

Of Having A.I.D.S….And Then Again!

I need to come out. I am sick. And I think I am inflicted with A.I.D.S. Yes, A.I.D.S.! Not the deadly and incurable disease emerging from a full-blown HIV, though. I am talking about Affection and Intimacy Deprived Syndrome! Yup, that’s what it is. Literally and figuratively put.

It is not a disease per se. Simply put, it’s a subconscious defense to the absence of intimacy that most “familiar” couples forget to acknowledge for the reason that they are very much comfortable with their relationship not seeing it as a threat to what they think is already a strong bond. Complacency contributes greatly yet silently to the dawdling deterioration of that bond which, like corrosion, imperceptibly damaging them from within. Saying that “it’s just an itch that one needs to scratch” is clearly an understatement for someone who doesn’t see the importance of intimacy to a relationship. It’s the flavor, the spice, the stuff that gives a partnership the “zing”!

 I, as most husbands and wives – and partners even – whose hurdling the latter part of their marriage or togetherness would agree, that at one point of our lives, experience the weakening of our resolve and immunity to deflect and counteract innuendos and sexual advances of the opposite sex because of the fact that we are no longer having the same intimate experience we once had with our very own partners and/or lovers when we started off.  

Is this really an acceptable, justifiable and “socially” valid disease or are we just giving ourselves reasons to find justification to our actions particularly that which concerns our looking for means to alleviate the pains of being “taken for granted”, “sidetracked”, “missed out” and/or “friend zoned” after years of familiarity and companionship? Is it really fair to just put aside intimacy when all else are taken into the “unconditional love” context? Is it just really an “itch” that we need to “scratch” or something deeper and more damaging than that?

I have been married for more than 21 years and confess to have veered away four times from what-supposed-to-be an exclusive partnership. Yup, I did it because I am yearning for “something” that my spouse has ceased to share with me ever since we had our third child. Indeed, the “death” of intimacy brought out the other side of me – the one that I never thought I was capable of: CHEATING! And quite frankly, (not that I’m proud of it) I’m good at it! However, no matter how good it feels and no matter how exhilarating it is to live “dangerously”, I still felt that void within. Been there, done the unimaginable for the sake of intimacy and yet the “symptoms” never left me.  That actually left me with the question, “what am I really yearning for?”

INTIMACY is part and parcel of marital and committed relationships. It’s the continuity of courtship, and that which strengthens and affirms the attraction that each has of the other – physically and emotionally. It should never be taken for granted, missed out or sidetracked. It’s what COMPLETES the relationship, most especially marriages.  It’s like the rhythm in a song, the groove in every melody.  For males, it’s the affirmation of his machismo, his manhood. For females it’s a confirmation of their beauty, charm and physical magnetism. Both egos are fed by the sustained presence and intensity of such. And, only through their inextinguishable passion, that those aforesaid A.I.D.S. symptoms can completely be averted and/or prevented. 

And so I’ve learned. And so I’m healed. I think.

Saturday, February 25, 2017


See there's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me. 

In the recesses of my heart and mind lies your memory: the way you look, smile, smirk, the way your face reacts and transforms with my every whims and schemes; the way you kiss me all over whenever you want to ask for something; your caresses, your hugs, and playfulness; the way you pout, look sad, cry on my chest over sad movies, silly soap re-runs and throw tantrums over petty things. Your voice. The way you look every morning, after the day ends and when you are asleep. Everything about you...everything that you are and what you're not...every bit of YOU. They make up the meaning of what TRUE LOVE is...of FOREVER...of us.

Sometimes, I fear that your nearness might take my breath away; and all the things I want to say can find no voice. I can only hope... when that time comes, my eyes will speak my heart. <3

I really don't know now how to give up and say, "No, you're not meant for me"...I don't know now how to back down and accept I'm just another hopeful...I don't know now how to feel for anyone knowing that my heart is chained to but one soul but you...I don't know now how to say "I LOVE YOU" if it won't be that person who taught me the true, selfless meaning of those words ~ YOU!

Saturday, February 18, 2017

10 Things to Understand Before You Fall In Love with an Old Soul

Simplicity. It’s the simple things in life that capture us. Simple living and simple pleasures in life ground us and make us feel all warm and cozy inside. Extravagant dinners, jewelry, and sparkly gifts may be the key to some people’s hearts but not an old soul. Impressing us is so simple, it’s scary. An intimate conversation on the beach with a candle or a night of camping under the stars is like heaven on earth. Give us experiences and most of all, give us your time.

Alone time. Old souls are pretty intense, spiritual people. It’s not a facade or front we put up, but a lifestyle we live to stay connected to ourselves and to our spiritual path. Time to decompress, detach and meditate are crucial to our well being. So if we turn down an invite to a bar once in awhile, don’t take it personal. Instead, understand our need to be with ourselves because there is probably a reason we are needing some alone time.

Dreamer. As most people only dream when they sleep, we dream constantly. Daydream that is. Sometimes we need a partner to snap us back into reality, but also one who understands our dreaming is what excites us, dreaming inspires us.

Romantics. –ahh, sigh– We love romance and everything that comes with it. Sometimes, expecting a little too much from people trying to win our affections. This can cause some let downs and learning experiences for both partners. Old souls need someone that can pull them out from the clouds when needed and bring them back to a beautiful reality.
*Comfort. *I’ve always felt like the “grandma” of my friend group. Throwing on a big comfy sweater, staying in to cook dinner, and snuggling up while someone reads to me would be like, so amazing. Going out is good here and there, but know for us, being comfy with our significant other takes the cake.

Free bird. We want freedom. Freedom to chase whatever is worth chasing to us. Nothing holding us back or stopping us from pursuing our dreams and desires. Rather, someone who encourages us to chase and to succeed. Aside from longing for a stable and simple life, we want room to grow and follow whatever path our spirit is leading us on.

An unusual approach to life. Not really conforming to the expected way of living, we view the world and our lives as a blank book and we want to write it. I definitely have very philosophical views and it deeply effects all of my relationships. Being with someone who likes that about us is key!

Not-so material world. Possessions and money are nice, but it is not number one for us. Intellectual conversations and meaningful experiences is what takes our breath away…

Intuition. You may hear this a lot from an old soul, “I don’t know, I just have this feeling.” Following our hearts more than our minds makes us a bit more in touch with our intuitive side. You can either go with the flow or turn and run, intuitive people can be a bit intimidating. It can be very daunting to some, to have an intuitive partner…especially if the significant other is trying to be sly. Good luck!

We’ve got dreams, big dreams. Idealistic dreams of painting the world like our very own canvas. Ending world hunger or starting a business that benefits people in some positive way is not far from an old souls list of lofty ideas. Helping mankind is on our dreamy To Do List!

I’m sure a lot of you out there can relate to some of these traits or have come across an old soul yourself. Maybe you’re realizing you are one…what qualities do you have that make you or your partner an Old Soul?

~ Adapted

Wednesday, February 1, 2017


1. Touch her waist.
2. Simply talk to her.
3. Share secrets with her.
4. Tell her she's beautiful.
5. Kiss her on the forehead.


6. Hug her.
7. Hold her.
8. Laugh with her.
9. Spend half the day with her.
10. Hangout with her and your friends together.


11. Smile with her.
12. Surprise her with a present.
13. Give her some chocolates.
14. Respect her opinions.
15. When she says she loves you, just don't end there without saying "I love you too!"


16. Always hug her and say "I love you" whenever you see her.
17. Kiss her unexpectedly.
18. Hug her from behind around the waist.
19. Tell her she looks gorgeous.
20. Have some long conversation with her.


21. Open doors for her, and give her some seat (it makes her feel important).
22. Tell her she’s your everything - only if you mean it.
23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her - if she denies about it. it simply means SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT - so just hug her.
24. Make her feel loved.
25. Kiss her in front of OTHER girls who is jealous with both of you!


26. Don’t lie on her.
27. DON’T cheat on her.
28. Bring her to a place she wants.
29. Text or call her in the morning and tell her "good morning!"
30. Be there for her whenever she needs you, and even when she doesn’t, just be there so she’ll know that she can always count on you.


31. Hold her close when she’s cold so she can hold you too.
32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the cheek; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).
34. While in the movies, put your arm around her so she could put her head on your shoulder, then lean on in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.
35. Don’t ever tell her to leave even if you don't mean it. If she’s upset, comfort her.


36. When people disrespect her, stand up for her.
37. Look straight into her eyes and tell her you love her.
38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to your heart beat, link your fingers together while you talk to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her and smile to her.
40. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.


41. Call or text her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
43. Take her for long walks at night.
44. Always remind her how much you love her.


45. Buy her food. <3

Adapted / Written by : Aldwin Raphael Espino Villena
Model:  Maybelle Villadelgado (FHM)

Friday, January 20, 2017

"SEX is FOOD!"

Sex is not all about making children. You must be a different woman to your husband every time. Seduce your husband, don't always allow your husband to ask for Sex, there must be no timetable for sex. Be creative, don't be predictable. Give him what he wants. If you loose influence over your husband, you have lost womanhood. Be part of your husband's plans.

Don't have too many children, you wanna sell them? Allow your husband to check in and out anytime. When a man is sexually satisfied, he is emotionally stable. Stop saying, is it food? Yes, sex is food!!!

As a wife, try to invest in yourself spiritually so you can adequately support him. Build yourself as his prayer warrior so that you will not be forced to pray at the end of your life. Don't allow your husband to provide all your needs, he is not a money making machine. Iron sharpens iron, try to reciprocate.

You are meant to support each other spiritually, financially, physically and morally through thick and thin. You are a builder....Wise woman buildeth her home. Women need wisdom to build their homes. Do not be too outspoken, know when to talk, when to listen and when to be quiet.

Love your husband with all your heart, never tell him, if not because of my children, remember you've known him before the arrival of those children. Pamper your husband, put his head on your chest and pray for him. Give him unannounced kiss from the back, don't be too holy to kiss in the public. He is your husband for God sake. Be romantic, it is good for the heart. Some people are not happy that you're happy in that marriage, proof them wrong that you love him and he is your crown, always feel good when you hold him. Don't look 50 while you're still under 40, it drives men crazy. Always keep fit regardless of your age or body.

To men:

Do not take a woman who does all these for granted! Pamper her, pray for her, cherish her, love her, support her financially, make her feel like your woman! God bless you and your marriages.

"Our LOVE in our LIFETIME"

It's been said that we really only fall in love with three people in our lifetime. Yet, it's said that we need each of these loves for a different reason.

Often our first is when we are young, high school even. It's the idealistic love; the one that seems like the fairy tales we are all read as children.

It's a love that looks right.

The second is supposed to be our hard love; the one that teaches us lessons about who we are and how we often want or need to be loved. Sometimes it's unhealthy, unbalanced or narcissistic even.

It's the love that we wished was right.

And the third is the love we never see coming. The one that usually comes dressed as all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we clung to about what love is supposed to be.

It's the love that just feels right.

Maybe we don't all experience these loves in this lifetime; but perhaps that's just because we aren't ready to. Possibly maybe we need a whole lifetime to learn or maybe if we're lucky it only takes a few years.

And there may be those people who fall in love once and find it passionately lasts until their last breath. Someone once told me they are the lucky ones; and perhaps they are.

But I kinda think that those who make it to their third love are really the lucky ones.

They are the ones who are tired of having to try and whose broken hearts lay beating in front of them wondering if there is just something inherently wrong with how they love.

But there's not; it's just a matter of if someone loves in the same way that they do or not.

And maybe there's something special about our first love, and something heartbreakingly unique about our second...but there's also just something about our third.

The one we never see coming.

The one that actually lasts.

The one that shows us why it never worked out before.

And it's that possibility that makes trying again always worthwhile, because the truth is you never know when you'll stumble into love.

-- Repost (Adapted)

Thursday, January 9, 2014

March 5, 1990

Have I really ceased from falling,
     Have I forgotten how it feels?
          Have I really turned my shoulder,
               Cold to the yearning from within?

Do these eyes now blindly see,
     The meaning of love once shined on me?
           The heart that has sworn to live forever
                 Now froze with the mem'ries of reality.

        Tell me why is it so unfair
        When I gave it all completely?
        Was I wrong to trust on what i thought was love
         And fight for it needlessly?

        What happened with the "us" that we have
        Every moment, every memory...
        You told me not to give up on love
        But last gave up on me.

Now that the hurting were said and done
     It's time to heal and move on
         There's no use keeping what is gone,
               No need to try holding on.

Yes, I can pretend to have left it all behind
    Yes, I can smile and hide the pain...
          But I don't think I can take off my mind;          
                The mem'ry of "us" will always remain.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Your Soulmate Isn’t Who You Think It Is.

We all have our own romanticized notions of what it will be like when we find true love. How it’ll go. What it’ll feel like. What he or she will look like, sound like, act like. Even kiss like. And every once in a while, we actually meet that person. There they are! In the bar standing next to us! Or down the hall at work! Or in the line at the bookstore! They’re perfect. Everything we imagined. And so we engage. And chase. And pursue. And assume our very best behavior. And fight for a chance at that perfect union we’ve imagined in our heads for so long. And sometimes it works! We get their phone number. And a date! And a second date! And sometimes it even goes a month or two! But then at some point, it runs afoul. What once seemed effortless becomes arduous. The perfect conversations suddenly don’t flow as easily. The shine has worn off the apple. It’s work, now. And who has time for that? And here’s where many a relationship come to an unfortunate end. Because the other person thinks it should only be constant magic. That anything else is merely a false symbol. But we still chase them! We want it back! We think of what we can do to possibly salvage this sinking ship. Should we change ourselves? Adjust our behavior? Change our whole personality? After all: this is love. Surely it’s worth sacrificing for, no? No, I’m here to say. It’s not.

Because there’s a big, horrible idea out there in the world of romance:
That if it’s not hard, it’s not real.

True romance must be earned, we believe. Struggled for. Barely survived.

If it comes easy, it’s wrong. Shallow. Too simple.

We must suffer for love. We must cry with certain regularity. Lose our faith time and time again only to barely regain it again.

I humbly submit that such a belief is the romantic equivalent of 100% grade-A bullshit.
Perhaps it comes from our culture’s puritanical beginnings. The notion that anything great is worth suffering for.

And while I agree that love takes work, patience and forgiveness, I don’t think it should involve perpetual, ongoing damage-control.

If the relationship you’re in takes constant, ongoing acrobatic maneuvers to keep it afloat, then it’s not a relationship; it’s a doomsday project.

Relationships, in general, should be easy.

If they’re taking a ton of work, a ton of the time, something’s wrong.

Chances are either that:
A) One (or both) of you is not a stable enough person to even be in a relationship to begin with, and you need to go off on your own to learn how to keep yourself perfectly happy with nothing more than yourself to sustain you. (And yes, I’ve been this person many times.)
B) One of you has unrealistic expectations of what the other is supposed to provide them on a regular basis. (And yes, I’ve been this person, too.) They think you’re supposed to keep them constantly entertained. Or wined and dined. Or sexually pleasured. Or emotionally rescued. Or financially bailed out.

Neither of which is sustainable.

Which is why I say the following:
Don’t chase the person you can barely hold on to when you’re at the top of your game.
Seek out the person you can be happy with even when you’re having a bad day. Or week. Or month.

Because those days will happen, many, many times over the course of a relationship.

And the person who’s only happy with you when you’re a superhero will not stick around when you finally become a mortal again and need them to be there for you, instead.

So skip the supermodel. The pursuit of own your personal Jessica Alba or David Beckham. It might be heaven for a week or two, but they’d probably dump you as soon as you failed to be the emblem of perfection for more than 2-3 seconds in a row.

That perfect pairing with the Mister or Miss Right we’ve all imagined in our hearts isn’t going to survive the endless ordinary days that real life is fraught with.

The person who’s truly right for you is probably cleverly disguised as the one you work with every day. Or the one who you’ve casually known in your circle of friends for five years. Who has seen you at your best and at your worst. And is still there, a big believer in your immense potential. And is probably an amazing kisser if you’d just give them a chance.

That’s the person it’s going to be genuinely easy with over the long haul.

So the next time you’re looking for the one, don’t look up on some stage or pedestal for some shining realization of your fantasies. Turn around and look behind you. At the person you might have overlooked. The person who is quietly everything you need them to be and more.

You just have to give them a deeper look.

* This essay originally appeared on The Good Men Project on 01/18/12

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Saturday, March 30, 2013


No Matter Where You Go...
No Matter What You Do...
If We Grow Apart Or Come Closer Together...
If You Fall In Love...'n Forget All About Me...
Or If You Came To Hate Me...

I Want You To Know That I Will Always Love You...
'n Always Be There For You...

No Matter Where Your Destiny Lies...
You Will Always Be My Friend...
'n If Fate Tears Us Apart...

Always Remember That
No Matter How Long It Has Been Since We Talked...
Or Why We Stopped Talking...

If Life Brings You Down...
I Will Always Be There For You...
You Can Call Me Anytime..Anywhere...
I Will Listen To You...
I Wont Ever Judge You...
'n Always Remember...I Love You...!